Team Goonies!

On a wet & miserable Saturday morning, I headed west to Henley-On-Thames to meet the all-star lineup from Metro as they took on arguably the toughest obstacle course known to man (and woman!); Tough Mudder!

The team was headed by the warrior queen Vicki-Marie, AKA Captain Cossar (right) who was competing in her forth Tough Mudder event! She also brought along a couple of guys who’d conquered the monster before, Chris & De Roy. Three mudder virgins completed our squad with the lovely Jenny Stallard (left) & friends Joanne & Rebecca,

They headed to the start line for a warm-up & boogie,

They hadn’t even started yet & Jenny looked nervous. For a minute, I thought she was off!

She wasn’t the only one, either.

Everyone was then urged to take a knee & honour the Tough Mudder pledge- Hooraaaah!

Then they were off. The course is just over twelve miles zig-zagging across the Oxfordshire countryside & interspersed with twenty-one gruelling obstacles. It’s important to note that it is not a race! it’s about teamwork & completing the course together.

With it being such a big course & me being hunkered down with all my gear, we drew up a plan of attack catching our guys at specific obstacles as they passed through them. The first of which, was in fact the very first obstacle; “Arctic Enema 2.0”, a dunk into a giant vat of ice.

And when I say ice, I mean it! There were two enormous articulated lorries full of the stuff!

One ‘orrible challenge down, they headed to the next; “Birth Canal” where you crawl through a suppressed tunnel on your belly. By the end of it, you’re literally dragged to freedom by your teammates.

After that gruelling obstacle, our guys had to scale this beast of a hill.

Before their first proper slice of mud at “Sewer Rat”. As the name suggests, they climb through sewer drains before dropping into a mucky pool at the other side. There were some pretty nervous faces staring through those pipes.

But all came through with flying colours.

They promised us mud & they certainly delivered!

Some even looked like they were enjoying themselves- the loons!

Ooooh I say!

So far, we’ve had mud & sweat. All we’re missing are tears & as luck would have it, they’d thought of that, too. Our next obstacle was “Cry Baby”; a belly crawl through tear gas!

They disappeared up the hill & I had a mad dash to the media tent for a vehicle as our next spots were not accessable on foot, the first of which was “Kiss Of Mud 2.0” where our guys had to crawl through a swamp under barbed wire

By this point in the course I reckon our Jenny had seen enough of me!

They all made it through unscathed and headed back into the woods.

I arrived at the next obstacle “King Of The Swingers” well ahead of time & was able to soak in the event for myself. It really is a battle getting around & that was just my experience, but the participants really do enjoy themselves. Here are some other nutters I met that afternoon;

As you can see, there were many participants in costumes for the event. And did I mention superheroes? I’ve never seen so many Superman, Batman & Iron Man costumes in one place. I thought Comic-Con was in California!

Right, back to the programme- our next event saw competitors swing from a fifteen foot platform across a freezing pool of water attempting to hit a cowbell as they did so.

It proved to be a very tough obstacle for many, including our Jenny. I honestly thought she was gonna throw in the towel after this one, but fair play to her, she carried on…

Captain Cossar on the other hand showed us how it’s done hitting that bell clean. Ding Dong!

She wasn’t the only one, either. Our mankini wearing friend made it, too. My eyes!!!

The next obstacle was “Funky Monkey 2.0”, a shuffle across a set of ascending then descending monkey bars sitting above yet more freezing water.

By this point in the course, nobody wanted to get wet & you could see that on the competitors’ faces.

This monster of a man even broke the bars avoiding that water trap!

They disappeared into the greenery again as I headed to the penultimate obstacle of the day; “Everest 2.0”

Chris was first powering up the slippery wall.

This was where teamwork really mattered. The cameraderie between the competitors was great to see.

It took our Jenny three attempts, but she made it!

Just one obstacle remained; “Electroshock Therapy” was every bit as nasty as it sounds with our battered warriors having to run through electrically charged wires dangling above them.

We had a couple of fallers, but all crossed the finish line in one piece.

De Roy had been really struggling with a knee injury & looked completely shagged out at the finish.

But he made it! They all did. What a team they were, Team Goonies, as they christened themselves after the ’80’s classic movie survived Tough Mudder 2015. Now all we had to do was stop at Blockbusters on the way home & rent Jenny a copy! (Shockingly Jenny hadn’t seen it!).

TEAM GOONIES!!!

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